Why Presence Matters - and How to Do It

We’ve all heard the tale that if only we lived in a more mindful, present way, we’d be calmer, happier, more resilient and have stronger relationships: our lives would be richer and we’d be more at peace.

And it’s true - but won’t we don’t hear enough of is how? How do we find mindful living in a way that fits our lives, our busy brains, and wraps it’s arms around anxiety and stress?

‘Just Be Mindful’ they tell you…

That’s the goal - to live in each moment, again and again. Why? Because you notice everything - and your days become longer, lived fully and more peaceful.

You learn ‘Presence’, which is the key to taking away the sadness of the past that lingers and affects our decisions even now, and the anxiety of the unknown future that scares us.

Aniety & Depression in the Present

Depression happens because we live in the past - with the sadness, the regret and re-living the experiences that hurt us, keeping us firmly stuck there. We end up in a loop of echos, memories, and reactiveness that hurts us in the present.

The past is not the present, and dragging it along behind us only serves to weigh us down.

Anxiety is the futile act of trying to live in the future - to predict outcomes, to solve problems ahead of time, to attempt to predict what will come next. The problem here, is that we are trying to do things things with the only we have - the past. The future is only a repeat of the past if you are unaware of your patterns: as soon as you realise you can’t predict the future like a magical unicorn, you realise your date is corrupted.

Much like yoga or any sport or creative skill, mindfulness takes practice - purely because it’s new for so many of us. So practice everyday to hone your skill. You’ll soon understand the peace in it and find yourself doing it every day, often without noticing - when it becomes your new habit.

Presence removes past and future as ‘proof’. No more auto-pilot that stains your memories and steals your time away. No more missing the beauty of the world that somehow you can’t feel. No more wondering if it’s all worth the effort any more.

Mindfulness & Meditation create Peace in Your Everyday.

Three Ways to Notice Your Outside World - and Feel Connected to Something Bigger Than You

This is the key to peace:

knowing that you are tiny, insignificant, unimportant - and at the same time you are everything, everywhere, all at once.

Here’s how to start finding that connection:

Miracle in the Mundane

Choose a small activity; something you do every day, even something you find dull or frustrating like washing the dishes or cleaning the car.

Commit to giving it every bit of concentration you can, ignoring everything around you (and inside you) just for a few moments at a time.

Use your senses: What does the water sound like? How does it feel on your skin? What smells are there, what shapes?

When you get distracted or notice you’ve drifted off into thought, just come back. Notice how long you can focus each time, and how you’re feeling. Be absorbed into this exact moment. When you realise you’re present, you’ll recognise it. Then make that moment longer and longer.

Notice how things become less irritating or dull.

Then, find something beautiful - a butterfly, light through leaves.

Whatever it is, notice how you see it differently now.

Nature Nurtures

Go Outside! whether it’s your balcony, a park, woodland or the sea, find somewhere outside to sit or walk.

Give yourself time and space to experience everything around you, paying close attention to this outside world.

Use your senses: pay attention to things as though that were all that existed, or it was the first time you’d seen it - like a baby, or an alien just arrived. See shapes, colours, light: don’t name it, don’t give it a story, just let your eyes absorb.

What about voices and sounds? Birds, wind, water, cars. Try not to attribute thoughts and feelings to them, just let them land in your ears.

Then try touch, smell and texture, simply absorbing. No meaning. Just experience.

Notice how much more you notice. Notice your connection to it as though it were a part of you, and knowing that you are part of it.

What did you never really notice before?

And how did it make you feel?

Listen to Understand…

This may take extra effort...

Promise yourself that you will truly listen to the next 3 people you talk to: it won’t be easy, and takes practice and reflection to get really good at this:

• Remember, you are focusing on someone outside of yourself.

• As they speak, empty your mind by actively listening, with intent and care, to the words they are saying.

• Allow them to finish without attempting to prepare your response: focus on understanding first without attributing any meaning - especially your own personal interpretation.

Focusing in this way helps you understand others and stop projecting your own stories onto others.

Notice how much more you hear and understand them.

Over time, notice how your relationship changes: notice what you learn about them, notice how you feel about them when you know them better. Notice it takes the pressure off you to be perfect. You’re not in the conversation to prove anythhig, but to be a good listener, a good friend and build a relationship built on shared stories.

You weren’t born knowing how to walk or ride a bike. Don’t expect yourself to be proficient at mindfulness without practice. Even those of us who do it daily sometimes fall off the peace wagon. Just keep at it. The difference really is life-changing - and it only takes 10 minutes a day.

Yolanda x